What do you get to have?

You don't get to have everything that you want.

Even the things that you do want, which are good for you, often aren't yours.

You don't get to know everything you want to know.

You don't get to do everything you want to do.

You don’t get to be everything you want to be.

What do you get to have?

You get to have a practice -

a practice which you do over and over again.

A practice, which is another word for your life.

More than doing it once, you get to keep doing what you decided to do.

You get to have a practice that, if you choose, can become more alive instead of dead.

Memories at the table

Memories sit across the table of our lives, asking for attention in voices so hushed they're nearly unhearable. But quiet voices deserve to be heard as much as loud ones—maybe more so. I was recently reminded that the loudest, angriest voices don't immediately claim moral superiority or even accuracy.

Memories speak to me underneath the buzzing static of daily life. Their quiet signal cuts through: "Your memory cellar is full. Time to chat with a few."

Take a few sips.

So, I pull out a chair and invite one in.

We sit, gazing at each other across whatever small distance time has created, and I ask:

"What do you need to say? What am I forgetting that I don't want to lose?"

The memory asks me to remember—not just the broad strokes, but the textures. What I ate, where I stood, who else occupied that space. This small thing, and also that one.

Then I reach for a photo.

It's more than an image—it's a true, full landscape, bookmarked in time by some small miracle. The barbecue with my brother in Kansas City holds both childhood and adulthood in the same frame: longer bodies now in the lawn chairs, less movement in the yard, but the same gravitational pull between us as adults who play.

Memories aren't just visual, either. They come through recipes you ate at that specific place, places that still hold the outline of you, sounds that stop you mid-step, smells that transport you before you can name them. Objects that carry more weight than their mass or shape or color.

But the biggest memory multiplier of all? Relationships. Especially the old ones—the ones that have weathered enough seasons to go back to day one.

Memories of Calde de Mote

Vibrational Memories

There are fresh memories in my life.

Memories with my family, from my retreat, from film projects in Lima, from friends reconnected.

Polar bears at the zoo.

Tea with my aunt.

Cactuses in Huangascar.

Conversations with peace activists from Israel and Palestine.

Returning to my childhood pool.

Climbing aboard a replica of the Mayflower and asking question after question, my fourth-grade self never understood about US history.

What do they ask?

Don't shelve me yet.

Let me sit on the counter of your living room, vibrating away, while you remember all the silky strings that tied each object to your now.

They will vibrate until I tell their stories.

They are the pilot lights, sitting in row after row, asking not to be extinguished.

I will not participate in the work of forgetting.

This is why all the objects will sit on my desk rattling away until I have touched each one of them

Art workshop in Huangascar, Peru