In real human life, I can feel two completely different feelings at the same time. I can spin back to old holes in your psyche where you revisit, once again, your own incompetence. Your own fear, your own sense of risk. You revisit again what you have decided to take on and what wears you out. You have agreed to be willing to feel incompetent once again because you care enough. You feel at the verge of tears and at the same increasingly comfortable with being a learner in a process. You feel embarrassed to be imperfect but also aware it´s the only way it works. You feel proud of yourself and also struggle with being seen.

You feel very, very visible… That is not a mixed feeling.

You feel increasingly aware of your own values and your grey zones become more clear. You wish you did not feel so perfectionistic, but you remember you have gotten better.

You feel courageous and incompetent at the same time. In a way the contrast of these feelings has not diminished them. Perhaps it has just made the messiness more clear.