I try to describe what vulnerability feels like because I am sitting in the middle of it right now. I am back in Iquitos, getting going here with the project anew, and feeling vulnerable.

The feeling is…

…weakiness in front of a spotlight, out in the open without full preparation, honest while incompetent. It feels like your skin is more susceptive to burning because you feel closer to the sun. I could get badly, badly burned.

I don´t think real risk matters as much as perceived risk does. What I feel matters more than actual risk. I am clear that I am not in physical danger. But I feel out in the open. I can feel perfectionistic. I can feel inadequately prepared. All these feelings... At the same time. I am not at risk of losing something big. That is what it feels like.

Brené Brown talks about how vulnerability can feel dangerous. I think this is why people avoid it so painfully for their entire lives. I think if I lived in a zone of safety and comfort how bored I would feel.

SO…something I will not feel later in my life, is that I did not stick my neck out, with moments closer to the sun.