Bizarre and Normal.

It is true that relying on other people to help me has often felt uncomfortable. Asking a lot of questions in a row. Not having answers to other questions, not knowing about a topic at hand, not knowing where I am going, not knowing how to say something, not knowing what someone is talking about, or not knowing the status. Welcome to my current reality! I have felt uncomfortable. I have resisted asking. I have not wanted to engage. I have not liked it. I have spent a lot of time in this space.

Here´s the totally bizarre thing .

It is a normal space.

It feels like it is not normal. It feels incorrect. It feels strange.

It is a normal space.

What helps me is this… this situation. This unknown dark abyss, these dark unturned rocks inside myself, they are just there. They are not wrong. They are just unknown. Like a dark aquarium. Like a dark night. Like that scary night scuba dive I was nervous to try. But I think the first reaction in response to these if often fear. Like why don´t I know this whole new field immediately? Why do I need to learn it for the first time?

Because… you need to take the time. Learn the things. Do the reading. Say the new weird sentence. That is simply how it works.