I have not pinned it down exactly. Whenever I go to Carabayllo, I feel like my heart is in my hands. It has been removed from my chest cavity, and I start carrying it around. My time there is so poignant, so clear, so important. I lived there for a lot of last year. When I return, I am at that edge in myself. Sometimes I want to get lost there, I want to drift away into everything. Fade into a painting. Then I get on a 2 hour bus ride and I ride back to my apartment, disoriented. From the doorstep of one reality into another. As I was sitting on a very loud and long bus ride back today, I thought of what Rebecca Solnit said,

For many years, I have been moved by the blue at the far edge of what can be seen, that color of horizons, of remote mountain ranges of anything far away. The color of that distance is the color of an emotion. The color of solitude and of desire, the color of there seen from here, the color of where you are not… The far seeps in to the nearest.