As humans, all the tools in our toolbelt are broken. Those crayons in my childhood pencil box were often broken. By broken, I mean, imperfect with clear flaws.

We envisioned a version of perfection where we are sharp, ideal, with everything we need, and respond to each task with a perfect tool used in the idealized way. This is not reality. I keep saying this to myself and on this blog.

You thought you did not snore and you actually kind of do. You envisioned your cooking skills to be excellent, and you feel stuck with how you roast vegetables. At least, I do. You make a plan that has plenty of holes in it. You incorrectly entered in some numbers. You missed filed in the back of the file cabinet. You watch the same TV shows over and over. You have boring clothes.

I think if you take the learner-in-the-process, the incompetence struggle at face value, you discover something. You are a human person, and you have the same broken crayons lying around as everyone else does. The same unconscious bias (which can be managed with conscious effort) and fears that come up even when we are triggered by something hopeful and possible.

Here is the thing for me, though.

Amidst my mental diapers and broken crayons, I see myself growing. I see this too.

I see myself in the light of a-learner-in-a-process, a person in arena, as Teddy Roosevelt mentioned. So, I could not expose my insecurities, or I could. That is the bigger choice. Not to be perfect or imperfect. But to decide to show my vulnerability, to be seen, and most importantly, to be honest. Ooof.