I am seized I am by my very recent loss of a romantic relationship I was truly excited about. I promise to share more at a later time when it doesn´t feel as much like exposed electrical wires still very much plugged in.

I have taken notes on myself, and I have a commitment to be honest and have boundaries. So, I will be cooking away, noticing my own self. Cooking away at my own experience of caring and having to let go without an ounce of desire to do so.

While romantically despairing, I could talk about how my heart also feels very, very full. Professionally, vocationally, and project-full with our work in Iquitos. At the same time as feeling empty. That is a first.

Normally, I notice one feeling instead of several. I am full for the work I have the very clear privilege of doing. Work that is courageous, honest, and focused on a shared sense of what we all deserve in health. “We” meaning women in Iquitos, me personally, and everyone else.

Improving systems of health is probably the hardest, least sexy, and most important work of it all. It is one of the coolest and most important projects I have ever been part of.

I also have spent the last week sititng inside my own whiteness and difference, started at by kids all day every day from a couple local health centers. I am very aware of how different I look. All of this (unspecifically) and in all of these things, is where my brain is tonight.