Take note, there is still a hole in your heart. Volcano Choir

I have learned something recently. It is helpful and new. I can feel completely different and contradictory feelings at the same time. Completely distinct, opposing feelings.

Empty and full.

Lonley and abundant.

Sad and overwhelming happy.

Vulnerable and grateful (perhaps not as opposing as I thought).

Humans, we are that complicated, and I love us for that reason.

The part of me that wants to zone out and watch the graham cracker-light episodes of Friends also wants to go the deepest topics of the messy, the jungle based project I am immersed in. The part of me that craves being in the mess also wants to hide from it too. The more I don´t want to talk about climate change, the more I feel the need to get involved. The more I look at it, at myself, the more prismatic, multilayered, and exciting it becomes. This blog is a big part of that reflection.

The direction is towards more mesiness rather than tidiness.

Towards more contradiction rather than staightforward simplicity.

I think you can become a better version of yourself. The hard part is when we do not try, when no necks are stuck out. There is also something I get to have. The warm embrace of a Latin American culture where everyone, including my delightful Spanish teacher, colleagues at work, obstetras at the hospital I work in, reach out and care for me. Caring for me while not really knowing me. At the same time.