There is this desire in us (or more specifically in me) to want to make things better. To improve on things, to find the cracks where light is already coming in, and to be the person with the change. I am one of the biggest offenders as problem solving with humans is something I believe I´m adept at doing. That said, I have a new learning. I think grief emotions deserve to have little houses built around them. Not so they can be held on to forever, but so they can be properly felt and released when they say so.

I love what David Whyte says about despair.

We take the first steps out of despair by taking on its full weight and coming fully to the ground in our wish to not be here. We let our bodies and we let our world breathe again. In that place, strangely, despair cannot do anything but change into something else, into some other season, as it was meant to do, from the beginning. Despair is a difficult, beautiful necessary, a binding understanding between human beings caught in a fierce and difficult world where half our our experience is mediated by loss, but it is a season, a waveform passing through the body, not a prison surrounding us. A season left to itself will always move, however slowly, under its own patience, power, and volition.
Refusing to despair about despair itself, we can let despair have its own natural life and take a first step onto the foundational ground of human compassion, the ability to see and understand and touch and even speak, the heartfelt grief of another.