On that wall of your adult life where you hung up elementary school posters with the words “courage” or “listening”, you might consider that “kindness” and “patience” shoud be added to the wall as well. Sure. Of course, I think they are qualities of people who I respect more than those who are not.

But, as it turns out, there is a different narrative I am now learning. We have been taught to be nice to other people. You were supposed to be nice to kids on the playground growing up. Don´t hit people. Share your cookies. Don’t be an obvious jerk. But that kindness and patience and generousity rarely is taught to extend back, towards oneself. Where you, in adult form, become both kids on the playground. You are the kid with the snotty nose in need of patience just struggling to be there. You are also the better dressed kid looking at the struggling kid who understands that all kids require kindness. You see both kids standing there on the playground. You are both of them.

I find that taking risks and living with vulnerability means that you have to be kinder to yourself. There isn’t much room left for defeatist thinking because all the energy you are expending is going into what you want, what is happening, and whatever new hard thing you have taken on. This is when, out of necessity, I become my own coach. It is so very real. I am the kind reminder teaching myself that things will be okay. You are just hungry or tired or doing something new and the feelings will change again, Anna. This kind of coaching, the wise third party is a necessity when you have embraced what is new and challenging and often accompanied with levels of fear.